The OPPOSITE of a ‘New Year Resolution’

A new year has a way of making us reflective.

We talk about fresh starts, new habits, and better versions of ourselves.

We set goals, make plans, and imagine who we might be twelve months from now, or even further.

But hardly anyone stops to ask a much more clarifying question…

How do people wish they had lived when they reach the end? … The “Death Bed Questions”, if you will. 

It may seem strange to start a new year by thinking about the end of life, but it might be the most honest way to begin.

When life is stripped down to its essentials, the questions people ask at the end are the same questions worth asking NOW.

Hospice workers and chaplains often say that as death approaches, the noise fades, the pressure lifts, and what remains are not regrets about money or status, but reflections (or regrets) about character, relationships, meaning, and eternity.

These are the death-bed questions that are most frequently reflected on.

1. How did I live?

(Character, integrity, emotions, the inner life)

At the end of life, people don’t ask if they did enough. They ask who they became.

They reflect on whether fear shaped their decisions, whether pride kept them distant, whether they lived honestly or just comfortably.

Many regret ignoring their inner life while polishing the outer one.

Scripture has always pointed us inward:

“For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

And again:

“Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” (Proverbs 16:32)

A new year invites us to ask this early, not late:

Am I becoming the kind of person I want to be when the noise finally fades?

2. How did I treat others?

(Family, friends, strangers, even enemies)

This question surfaces again and again near the end of life…

People remember conversations they avoided, forgiveness they delayed, and relationships that drifted apart. Not because of one dramatic moment, but because life got busy.

Jesus ties our treatment of others directly to our relationship with Him:

“Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.” (Matthew 25:40)

And John reminds us that love is meant to be visible:

“Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.” (1 John 3:18)

At the end, people don’t wish they had been more guarded.

They wish they had been more present.

A new year gives us another chance to choose connection over convenience.

3. Did my life matter?

This question doesn’t come loudly… it comes quietly.

People want to know whether their lives counted for something beyond themselves.

Whether they helped someone, stood for truth, or left something meaningful behind.

Jesus redefines significance in a way the world rarely does:

“Whoever would be great among you must be your servant.” (Matthew 20:26)

And Paul offers reassurance to lives that feel ordinary:

“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.” (1 Corinthians 15:58)

A meaningful life is rarely loud—but it is faithful.

4. What comes next?

As life nears its end, even those who avoided spiritual questions begin asking them.

• Is this all there is?

• Did I believe what was true?

• Will I be at peace?

Scripture doesn’t avoid the weight of this moment:

“It is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment.” (Hebrews 9:27)

But it also offers real hope:

“Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live.’” (John 11:25)

A new year is a gift.

Not just to improve habits, but also to settle eternal questions before they feel urgent.

5. In the end, love was the point.

This realization often comes softly, but clearly.

People don’t say, “I wish I had optimized better.”

They don’t say, “I wish I had more stuff.”

They say, “I wish I had loved more fully.”

Scripture has been clear about this all along:

“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:13)

And:

“You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Mark 12:31)

When everything else falls away, love remains.

More that just a feeling, love is the true measure of a life.

A final thought for the year ahead

Death has a way of clarifying life.

It reminds us that; character matters more than reputation, people matter more than productivity, and eternity matters more than comfort.

The tragedy isn’t that people ask these questions at the end.

It’s that many wait until the end to ask them.

“So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12)

When looking at how you’re planning to live your life in 2026, first imagine the questions you’ll be asking on your death-bed.

It’s never to soon to begin aligning your goals with the last questions you’ll ever have.